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Classifying MLM Douchebags
Guys, I'm writing a piece tentatively called "Guide to Classifying MLM Douchebags"
I'm looking for "types" of douchebags that push MLM and other income scams. Don't need names, just actual types. So far, I have:
The Evangelist
You can spot this type who always want to tell people that MLM is the greatest thing ever, because they were just at this event and it was the greatest thing ever, and you have to join. They are rarely armed with facts (such as MLM's growth is by adding affiliates, or MLM was never taught at Harvard Business School). They are very excited to tell you about the industry, but they know little about what they are supposed to be selling.
Subtype: The Noobvangelist
This is someone who just joined the day before and barely know their stuff, but they are so wrapped up in the fervor they want to "share" their enthusiasm, albeit in a naively blundering way.
The Bling-Flasher
You can spot this type who always proclaim that he made X amount of money, or drive a fancy car (BMW, Benz, etc.) doing that business. Companies often present those "show checks" (as large as a person) to such people at certain flashy recruitment events at "award ceremonies", adding to their illusion. However, they'll never proclaim how much did they SPEND travelling around pushing the stuff, or how many products did s/he really sell.
Subtype: The Camp Follower
This is someone who goes around proclaiming the greatness of a Bling-Flasher, like "Look man, that guy made 500K last month, and drives a fancy MB", much like a groupie who follows around a band.
The Loan Shark
You can spot this type who thinks s/he is owed everything from everybody. The world owes him or her success. The refuseniks (people who refused his "polite" request to explain the opportunity) owes him/her an explanation. His downlines owes him/her respect, etc. etc.
The Dollar Discriminator
You can spot this type by how s/he interacts with people. If you are not semi-interested in the opportunity, s/he is not interested in wasting time with you. Judges people by likelihood of joining his/her scheme.
The Pseudo-Intellectual
You can spot this type by how they react to criticism, such as "Scheme X may be a pyramid scheme". Generally the resort to bogus explanations like "all companies are pyramid-shaped", "pyramid schemes don't have products", and so on. They think they have a ready answer to most criticism, however, they usually don't even know what laws define a pyramid scheme in their own jurisdiction.
The Double-Dipper
You can spot this type by how they pitch a "primary opportunity", but will often throw in references to other "opportunities" as well, by claiming it's some sort of backup plan, "Plan B", "contingency", "multiple streams of income", and so on. Real MLMs don't allow cross-recruiting because it creates conflicts of interest.
The Eyes Wide Shutters
Even when the signs are so f***ing obvious that it's a scam, they are ardent believers that they've hitched themselves to the gravy train. In fact, such people are known to argue that law enforcement and regulatory agencies "don't know what they're talking about" when it is them who don't know what they're talking about... even AFTER their scheme had been shut down.
The Serial Jumpers
You can spot this type by how they claim to have DECADES of experience in this industry, yet never mentions what companies they have joined or how much they have achieved in sales. (They'll gladly mention a rank though, even if the rank is not sales based) yet research shows they joined a new scheme every few months, cash out their earnings after their "fandom" joined then leave for something else. Nothing is ever good enough for them.
The Resume Flashers
You can spot this type by how the claim to have lots of experience, names all the companies and ranks achieved, even wrote books, articles, speaking engagements, etc. Yet how much did they really make from the business themselves? Or is all these "training" their business now? Some are known to charge hundreds a day or thousands for a weekend of classes.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
This is more of an observation, but I will call this person the False Profit.
An MLMer that attempts to frame their argument for MLM it in terms of wanting success for people. The implication being the people opposed to MLM are negative and want everyone to fail.
Perhaps a kissing cousin of the Evangelist?
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
ribshaw
This is more of an observation, but I will call this person the False Profit.
An MLMer that attempts to frame their argument for MLM it in terms of wanting success for people. The implication being the people opposed to MLM are negative and want everyone to fail.
Perhaps a kissing cousin of the Evangelist?
I know "false profit" is supposed to rhyme with "false prophet" but somehow that word play doesn't quite do it for me.
I think I'll add subtype: Firebrand -- you can tell those apart from the main group in that they have a profound HATRED of any one who doesn't agree with them, and they want to spread that hate to any one who will listen. Any one who doesn't agree, according to them, are "wage slaves", only have a J-O-B, and are doomed to be stepped on by greedy capitalists with no future... and only MLM will "save" them.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
kschang
I think I'll add subtype: Firebrand -- you can tell those apart from the main group in that they have a profound HATRED of any one who doesn't agree with them, and they want to spread that hate to any one who will listen. Any one who doesn't agree, according to them, are "wage slaves", only have a J-O-B, and are doomed to be stepped on by greedy capitalists with no future... and only MLM will "save" them.
The focus group suggested Fluffernutter for this addition.
There is among this group an inappropriate use of "positive thinking" in arguing a case for MLM. As if thinking and saying certain phrases somehow changes bad math or a person's skill set.
It is one thing to have a good product, at the right price, and a pool of potential users to think "I can make this work".
It is a whole nutha kettle of fish to have an overpriced product, questionable quality, and a saturated market to think "If I put a picture of a Corvette on my fridge I'm going to be rich".
When these people show up to make their case, you almost know what they will be saying before they say it. It is some version of "not being able to think outside the box", which I suppose serves to deflect any business concerns a "hater" might have.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
I think that lots of the proposed sub-groups were commonly spawned from a generation that grew up having everyone in their life constantly reminding them how "special" they were; parents, teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, little league coaches, etc. Everyone got a ribbon or a trophy just for showing up. Once they started dealing with the real world where they legitimately had to compete, they felt disillusioned upon finding out how ill-prepared the constant ego-stroking had left them.
The shortcut that Ponzi players discovered to compensate for their inadequacies was to retreat to the fantasy-land of their youthful "specialness"; believing that the next program, the next admin and even God himself was going to alleviate their dismal existence by re-writing reality to make the outrageous promises come true. The scammers constantly sucking at their wallet not only take advantage of their victims delusion but are a product of the same disease, believing that they are "special" enough to deserve their ill-gotten gains without paying any social penalty.
SD
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ribshaw
The focus group suggested Fluffernutter for this addition.
There is among this group an inappropriate use of "positive thinking" in arguing a case for MLM. As if thinking and saying certain phrases somehow changes bad math or a person's skill set.
Fluffernutter, as in the sandwich? I guess I don't quite see the pun... except "nuts", or perhaps that's the pun, they fluff you (pump you up) and are still nuts?
I guess it can be a yet another variant; abuse of "positive thinking", i.e. "positivist".
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
(Looking up the term "fluffer" brought up some... surprises...)
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
kschang
Fluffernutter, as in the sandwich? I guess I don't quite see the pun... except "nuts", or perhaps that's the pun, they fluff you (pump you up) and are still nuts?
I guess it can be a yet another variant; abuse of "positive thinking", i.e. "positivist".
I look at it as a disgusting product. lol
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
What about folks that are a combination of the evangelist, noobvangelist, loan shark, dollar discriminator, pseudo intellectual etc all wrapped into one? Maybe they deserve a category all their own? These are the folks that show traits from all those categories and then some. Their scammertunity WILL save woman kind, lift all unenlightened peasants from dire poverty and stupiddom and don't you dare disagree with them with mere facts. They will cut you out of their life for simply stating the obvious. What should these narcissistic cult followers be called?
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
kath
What about folks that are a combination of the evangelist, noobvangelist, loan shark, dollar discriminator, pseudo intellectual etc all wrapped into one? Maybe they deserve a category all their own? These are the folks that show traits from all those categories and then some. Their scammertunity WILL save woman kind, lift all unenlightened peasants from dire poverty and stupiddom and don't you dare disagree with them with mere facts. They will cut you out of their life for simply stating the obvious. What should these narcissistic cult followers be called?
I'm sorry, the word for them should not be uttered in public or mixed company...!
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
kath
What should these narcissistic cult followers be called?
Doomed
....
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
That's just... Douchebag / Douchebaggery? :)
There's certainly nothing that prevents a douchebag from exhibiting more than one of these characteristics. :D
Maybe I should call them Douchebag traits of network marketer instead.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kschang
Guys, I'm writing a piece tentatively called "Guide to Classifying MLM Douchebags"
I'm looking for "types" of douchebags that push MLM and other income scams. Don't need names, just actual types. So far, I have:
How about the Scum Sucking Bottom Feeder?
Like Phil Piccolo for instance? (Ooops sorry, you didn't want names.)
Anyways, this goes back a couple of years when Bob Burtis was publishing the World Wide Scam Network.
Quote:
WWSN Note: Phil Piccolo recently announced a new MLM opportunity in a "Money Maker's Monthly" ad for "NourishTheChildren.com", in which Mr. Piccolo claimed:
"14,000 to 27,000 children Under the age of 5 DIE EVERYDAY"
"After hearing this presentation and watching a 5 minute video I found myself emotionally involved (crying) and knew that all of the God given ability and talent that I have been blessed with was for this purpose... oh yes, I will probably make $5,000,000 (Five Million Dollars) also but it is the first time in my 27 year career that the CAUSE is BIGGER than the CHECK."
This appeared to indicate a new low in network marketing, with Phil Piccolo using starving children as bait in a new MLM money-making pyramid scheme.
Fortunately, NuSkin had other ideas and took appropriate action:
Right, I'd agree that using starving children as bait in a MLM money-making pyramid scheme was pretty low.
NuSkin took appropriate action canned the grifter.
PHIL PICCOLO TERMINATED BY NUSKIN
"He has conducted himself in ways unacceptable to our standards..."
Funny thing is though. NuSkinners are still using the same tactics today.
I'm confronting a Nu Skin rep this Monday, and I'm a little scared
Quote:
I've got a wonderful girl in my class. She's from Ethiopia I think, she saw her entire family slaughtered, and became a fantastic, strong, inspirational person despite hardship. She's just the definition of a Good Person. A few days ago, she contacted me on Facebook; "You seem like a cool guy, so I have a proposal for you". To cut things short, she gave me this line about how 98% of the world's population either works or have free time, and she worked with some people that could give me the opportunity to do both, to join the 2%....
To make a long story short, the writer agreed to meet up with her and the proposal quickly shifted from doing good for the world to peddling NuScam products.
Same bunch of Scum Sucking Bottom Feeder types as Phil Piccolo, in my books.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Then you have the Bucky Beaver type that wants to be your best friend - until he finally realizes you're serious after repeatedly telling him to get lost.
Attachment 8904
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
so how about a type called
"doomed a$$holes" that share traits from the other types
and....
"scum sucking bottom feeder" types-they definately exist and deserve a category----it is truly infuriating how they use the "charitable giving' guilt trip to try and get more 'recruits' and/or sales
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
I think "Bucky Beaver" is covered under Noobvangelist, though I guess I'll have to clarify that as "being completely oblivious to your polite hints to 'get lost'"
I can definitely add a new trait of "Holier Than Thou" -- uses religion and/or charity as bait to engage you in conversation, then steer you into the opportunity, no different religious affinity scam.
I am adding a new trait: the fluffer. They tell you various things that you're not (but you want to be) to make you more receptive to their pitch; i.e. they lie to you in order to sell to you
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
MLM junkies.
These are persons who have become addicted to the passive income appeal of MLM and have failed time after time in each of several MLMs, but keep trying new ones in hopes that “this may be the one.” They are like the person in and out of a long string of romantic relationships looking for the ideal mate.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
The Tex-Totaler
This an an asshole who lost a ****-ton of money in MLM, like $100,000, but is such an asshole that even people who hate MLM laugh at the thought.
Last spotted making a goodbye message all about himself
The Salty Droid – Merry Christmas Goodbye
http://www.realscam.com/f22/textexs-...one-wild-3101/
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
ribshaw
lol. jackass still can't get anyone to even look at his sham of a website.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ribshaw
The Tex-Totaler
This an an asshole who lost a ****-ton of money in MLM, like $100,000, but is such an asshole that even people who hate MLM laugh at the thought.
Last spotted making a goodbye message all about himself
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Had me confused for a moment.
I thought you were saying Jason Jones and Scott E. Johnson were the same person.
But looking at Jason's blog, I see what you mean - Scott seems to have hijacked it alright.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
littleroundman
MLM junkies.
These are persons who have become addicted to the passive income appeal of MLM and have failed time after time in each of several MLMs, but keep trying new ones in hopes that “this may be the one.” They are like the person in and out of a long string of romantic relationships looking for the ideal mate.
I had a "hopper", but I guess I should have emphasized the "next one will be the one" aspects. I'll go think of a better name. :)
How about... "the Romantic Junkie"? (i.e. I'm addicted to this stuff, I hope next one I try will be the one, I'm not giving up!)
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Just thought of another one: the indignant
"Whoever criticized my current scheme must have a *** up their ***!" Guess you woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning and someone spiked your coffee, eh?
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
kschang
I think "Bucky Beaver" is covered under Noobvangelist, though I guess I'll have to clarify that as "being completely oblivious to your polite hints to 'get lost'"
I can definitely add a new trait of "Holier Than Thou" -- uses religion and/or charity as bait to engage you in conversation, then steer you into the opportunity, no different religious affinity scam.
I am adding a new trait: the fluffer. They tell you various things that you're not (but you want to be) to make you more receptive to their pitch; i.e. they lie to you in order to sell to you
Ahem, isn't this a common trait in the douchebag world??
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
laidback
Ahem, isn't this a common trait in the douchebag world??
i was thinking more of "fluff you up, the better to pluck you later" type of lie. :D
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kschang
i was thinking more of "fluff you up, the better to pluck you later" type of lie. :D
is that similar to the whole 'love bombing' tactic they talk about on pink truth?
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
kath
is that similar to the whole 'love bombing' tactic they talk about on pink truth?
That's definitely a part of it. Love bombing is a standard cult tactic. In fact, the term was originated from a cult... the Moonies.
Love bombing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
EDIT: In a way, the lavish group events with idol worshipping (presenting show checks and awards to "top earners") is a part of that too.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
which must really play to the narcissistic sociopaths that get involved in these thingd
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
How about Ignorant Idiot? Has no clue what he got into but believes everything his upline and the top dogs say without question. Or maybe we should call it Brain Out To Lunch?
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
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Originally Posted by
EagleOne
How about Ignorant Idiot? Has no clue what he got into but believes everything his upline and the top dogs say without question. Or maybe we should call it Brain Out To Lunch?
My place holder for them is "Eyes Wide Shutter" but the pun is a bit forced ;)
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kschang
My place holder for them is "Eyes Wide Shutter" but the pun is a bit forced ;)
And then there is: Temporary Insanity.
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kath
----it is truly infuriating how they use the "charitable giving' guilt trip to try and get more 'recruits' and/or sales
"Marelize" from "WorldWide Solutionz" would fit that category to a T.
RS thread #1
RS thread #2
SD
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
Here's the latest revision:
NOTE: It is possible for a douchebag to hold more than one (or even, ALL of these traits together!)
The Evangelist
The "evangelist" want to tell people that MLM (and their product, sometimes) is the greatest thing ever much like a preacher preaches religion. They are armed generally with propaganda (i.e. myths) instead of facts. They are very excited to tell you about the industry and their products, but their primary concern is sign you up as their downline. In general, they are all about the positive.
Subtype A: the Firebrand
The firebrand is an evangelist who has pure HATRED of any one who refused to be preached to or don't agree with their view (MLM is the greatest!) Any disagreement can be pinned on "they don't understand", "they are doomed as wage slaves in a deadend J-O-B", or even "it's a conspiracy against _____".
Subtype B: the Fluffer
The fluffer is an evangelist who will also fluff you up to be aroused and thus more receptive to the ideas, so much so they are nuts about positivity. They'll tell you that you can be or already are special, you have potential, blah blah blah. The fluffier you are, the easier you are to pluck later, after getting your ego stroked (in more ways than one).
Subtype C: the Fear-Monger
The fear-monger is an evangelist sells fear. Actually they sell "solutions" to relieve people of their fear (that they caused) and their money. They will preach to your existing fears (you'll die broke in a ditch, you'll go homeless, you'll amount to nothing in a dead-end minimum wage job, you'll die of broken health...) and they'll pitch you a solution (income opportunity or woo supplements) that will solve the fear they caused in you.
Subtype D: the Bling-Flasher
The Bling-Flasher want to show the world the amount of bling (jewelry, fancy watch, fancy car, fancy house, etc.) they can afford because they do this scheme. Their car may even have vinyl wrap proclaiming their affiliation (Vemma logo cars like BMW, or the infamous Mary Kay pink cars) and are generally talking about opportunities (and selling such) instead of whatever products they are supposed to be selling. What they don't tell you is how many products they sold, or how much did they spend traveling around "inspiring" people (i.e. recruiting).
The Defender
The defender is out to "defend" his faith... uh his scheme against any sort of criticism or even doubt against critics or even members whose faith had been shaken by variou scandals or bad news. They fall into several types (though some defenders can exhibit multiple traits) Defenders can be noobs or seasoned veterans.
Subtype A: The Credentialist
The credentialists want to show the world how "smart" they are by flashing their credentials around. Their message is "trust me" because "I was rank X in Y different MLMs", "I had bazillion downlines", "Acme MLM asked me to consult with them", or even "I wrote about / teach MLM at _____". However, if you dig a little deeper you may find that a good portion of their credentials are made up or exaggerated, such as "a dozen years of network marketing experience" actually meant "jumped company every two years that went nowhere". Will often turn indignant when confronted. (Also see Pseudo-Intellectual, Indignant)
Subtype B: The Pseudo-Intellectual
The pseudo-intellectual reacts to criticism such as "Scheme X may be a pyramid scheme" with neutral or condescending (you don't know what you're talking about, you can't talk about things you haven't tried...) wall-of-text, often copied from their uplines bogus explanations or Wikipedia. Generally they resort to bogus explanations like "all companies are pyramid-shaped", "pyramid schemes don't have products", and so on. Their long-winded responses are filled with fallacies and bad arguments, instead of properly formulated reasoning or evidence. They usually don't even know what laws define a pyramid scheme in their own jurisdiction. When confronted with their ignorance, they generally turn indignant or tried to flash their credentials to validate their view. (Also see "The Indignant") (Also see: The Credentialist)
Subtype C: The Indignant
The Indignant can be recognized by their indignant attitude, such as "how DARE you criticize my pet scheme?!?!" They usually respond with ad hominem insults "whoever wrote the criticism must have a bug up their ***" or some such rather than pseudo-intellectual or credential responses. Also see "The Loan Shark".
The Insider
The Insider is connected to the founder or highest levels of the company, and thus enjoy advantage that you average Joes are not privy to, and that's talked about as if they are naturally good at this, when it's really family connections. It could be their parents were good friends with the founder, or he was a top level affiliate in a PREVIOUS MLM by the founder, and so on. Often such "heavy hitters" were offered backroom sweetheart deals such as cash incentive to migrate his existing organization of downlines to join this scheme.
Subtype A: The Secret Insider
Some insiders desperately want to HIDE their connections to the founders or top level execs of the company and want to pretend to be Joe Average, albeit, a successful one. Indeed, some founders are known to have played as "leader" or "company rep" before outing themselves as CEO / founder.
Subtype B: The Hopper
The hopper hops from scheme to scheme periodically, never pushing one scheme for longer than a few months. They have no true allegiance to anything except how to milk one scheme for all its worth, and defect to a "bigger and better offer" when one comes along (often accompanied by a promised paycheck from the founder).
Subtype C: The Double-Dipper
The double-dipper are known to join multiple opportunities and push them simultaneously, sometimes with distinct online personas, websites, and capture pages. They may even have a primary opportunity, and only mentions the secondary ones "in passing". If they have more than two, they are multi-dippers. Double-dipper is known to cross-recruit, a definite no-no in in network marketing, but obviously douchebags don't care, "Plan B" and "backup" and "contingency plan" and all that.
The Sheeple
The sheeple are at the lowest ranks of network marketing and schemes that went in without knowing what they were doing, and learned from douchebags bad traits without realizing it. These are the people who got burned by MLM, whether in the short term or in the long term.
Subtype A: The Romantic Hopper
The Romantic Hopper is a hopper-wannabe who has unreasonable hope that "this will be the one", except it never is, much like a hopeless romantic is always after another guy/girl s/he can't have. S/he is not high enough to be a real "hopper", but is probably downline of a hopper. (See "Insider Type B: The Hopper") This will last until their money run out or they somehow build enough downlines that they become a real hopper themselves.
Subtype B: The Faux Lion (Judas Goat)
The Faux Lion is a sheeple who had been brainwashed into thinking they are lions among sheep and world is for their taking. The emulate the Evangelist type (or one of the subtypes), but what they are really doing is they are hunting and rounding up sheeple for the REAL Lions.
Subtype C: The Dreamer
The Dreamer is known for looking at an ass and sees a stallion, or looking at an OBVIOUS scam and sees "great money-making opportunity". Such a person is always in a reality-distortion field (of him- or herself) and is fond of stating that how law enforcement or regulatory agencies "don't know what they're talking about" even AFTER their favorite scheme was seized by the government and shut down. (Also see: The Groupie)
Subtype D: The Groupie
The groupie is a fan of one (or more) Bing-Flasher, and a Bing-Flasher Wannabe. A Groupie will walk around proclaiming "Yo, Bro, you see that man who just walked by? He makes 500K a month and drives a Beemer! Yet he wears T-shirt. He's one of us, homie. " Groupie tries to emulate everything done by the Bing-Flasher, right up to the point s/he can't afford to do so any more. (also see the "Eyes Wide Shutter")
Subtype E: The Discriminator
The discriminator judges people by the likelihood of profit potential. If you are not semi-interested in the opportunity, or just buy some **** from him/her, s/he is not interested in wasting time with you. Sees everybody (friends, family, workmates, etc.) as dollar signs instead of people. Will spend all of their "social capital", and even owe a bit more.
Subtype F: The Loan Shark
The Loan Shark thinks s/he is owed everything from everybody. The world owes him or her success. The refuseniks (people who refused his "polite" request to explain the opportunity) owes him/her an explanation. Downlines owes him/her respect, etc. etc. Loan Shark walks around perpetually with a chip on his/her shoulder. Always out to "collect" on past favors (i.e. social capital).
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Re: Classifying MLM Douchebags
