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Thread: Humor thread

  1. #76
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    Re: Humor thread

    The wife's been missing a week now....Police said to prepare for the worst....
    So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back...
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  3. #77
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    Re: Humor thread

    ape.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  5. #78
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    Re: Humor thread

    Meanwhile in outback Australia....


    .
    roo baby.jpg
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  7. #79
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    Re: Humor thread

    text todad.jpg
    ..........
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  9. #80
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    Re: Humor thread

    A blonde walks up to the counter and says in a loud voice: "I'd like a cheeseburger, large fries and a chocolate shake." The lady behind the counter leans over and whispers, "This is a Library." The blonde looks to her left and to her right and sees everyone reading quietly, and then leans back over the counter and whispers back, "I'd like a cheeseburger, large fries, and a chocolate shake."
    EagleOne
    Author: "Robbing You With A Keyboard Instead Of A Gun - Cyber Crime How They Do It" available in soft cover and eBook at Amazon.com

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  11. #81
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    Re: Humor thread

    Meanwhile in outback Australia.....


    .
    pokemon.jpg
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  13. #82
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    Re: Humor thread

    Meanwhile in USA....


    .
    pokemon 2.jpg
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  15. #83
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    Re: Humor thread

    Meanwhile at the Republican convention......

    Michelle Obama called.....She wants her speech back.....
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  17. #84
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    Re: Humor thread

    Meanwhile in Melbourne Australia.....

    Driver playing Pokemon Go crashes into St Francis Xavier College in Berwick

    A 19-year-old man has crashed his car into a school while playing Pokemon Go in Melbourne's south-east.

    Police believe the man was trying to catch a Pokemon on the popular mobile app when he lost control of his vehicle and crashed into St Francis Xavier College in Berwick about 6.50pm on Thursday.
    Driver playing Pokemon Go crashes into St Francis Xavier College in Berwick
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

  18. #85
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    Re: Humor thread

    Meanwhile in America.....


    .
    pokemon 1.jpg


    .pokemon 2.jpg
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

  19. #86
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    Re: Humor thread

    I just went home from having dinner at Mcdonalds to find four Police Officers in my house looking for something, acting like lunatics!.....They checked through the air conditioner and inside my bed mattress tearing it apart, took all the couch seats completely out and turn the couch upside down!!......When I asked what you are doing in my house and if they had a search warrant, they answered back "Where did you hide it"?......We know it got to be somewhere!......Then I watched one of the Police Officers look at his mobile phone and then he shouted: "Stop it! We are in the wrong house! The Pokemon is next door!!!......
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

  20. #87
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    Re: Humor thread

    A frustrated husband in front of his laptop.....

    Dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
    Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting....
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  22. #88
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    Re: Humor thread

    “A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
    "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you stick your little finger in it, wiggle it around, and then pull it out, which feels better—your ear or your finger?”
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  24. #89
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    Re: Humor thread

    This is brilliant....Well worth watching to the end....


    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  26. #90
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    Re: Humor thread

    cat did.jpg
    ................
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  28. #91
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    Re: Humor thread

    the husband just took some viagra tablets for his sunburn. It wont help it but it will keep the sheets of his legs.
    smh....lol....
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  30. #92
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    Re: Humor thread

    aussie BBQ.jpg

    smh...lol....
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  32. #93
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    Re: Humor thread

    ....A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.
    One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
    'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
    The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.
    'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
    'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
    'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
    'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
    The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little b*****ds!
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  34. #94
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    Re: Humor thread

    LOL.........

    I went to doctors today I was lying on the examination table when he asked "How's your Libido ? "My what I replied Libido he said, Do you feel like having Sex? Okay I replied but it will have to be a quickie the husband waiting in car...
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

  35. #95
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    Re: Humor thread

    Picture, if you will the poor tongue tied holdup man doing his first holdup...He steps up to the clerk at the convenience store, whips out his gun and says to the clerk, " Get your @ss over your head before I blow your hands off, you mother sticker, this is a f**kup!
    It seems like in this "industry" common sense is not all that common!

  36. #96
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    Re: Humor thread

    ............

    hilary1.jpg
    ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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  38. #97
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    Re: Humor thread

    Why do married women weigh more than single women?
    Single woman comes home, sees what is in the fridge and goes to bed, married woman comes home, sees what's in the bed and goes to the fridge!
    It seems like in this "industry" common sense is not all that common!

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  40. #98
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    Re: Humor thread

    I didn't make it to the gym today.
    That makes five years in a row!
    It seems like in this "industry" common sense is not all that common!

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  42. #99
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    Re: Humor thread

    Quote Originally Posted by laidback View Post
    I didn't make it to the gym today.
    That makes five years in a row!
    That is the latest wisdom.

    good doctor.JPG

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

    A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually.

    Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?


    A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

    Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

    Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

    Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO,what a ride!!"


    exercise.JPG
    "It's virtually impossible to violate rules ... but it's impossible for a violation to go undetected, certainly not for a considerable period of time." Bernie Madoff
    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Scam-...98399986981403

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  44. #100
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    Re: Humor thread

    I don't need anger management, I need people to stop irritating me!
    It seems like in this "industry" common sense is not all that common!

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